Sunday, December 13, 2009

Happy 8th Birthday Payden!

Today is Payden's 8th Birthday! I can't believe it! Oh how time flys by! Gracie, Acen, and I went and got him some balloons and a little Christmas Tree. They helped me uncover his headstone which was buried under all the snow we got last night! They had fun! As much as it seems like the time flys by, at the same time it seems like it was a LONG time ago. I feel like it has been so long since I held him, smelt him, kissed his face. I still do however remember all those emotions, and little things as if they were yesterday. I still remember the ways he smelt, it reminded me of lilacs for some reason. lol. The way his hair was long enough to cover the top of his ear, and how dark it was. His eyes black as black, and how when I first saw him, it was like he was looking at me, and knew how sad I was..I remember holding him so close to me, how small he was, how even though he made no noise, I still rocked him and patted his tiny bum, motherly instinct I guess. lol. Today made me think a lot about what kind of child he would have been, being that he would be 8, I wonder if he would have made the choice to be baptized. I would like to think so. :) Gracie said to me, "Well, if Payden was alive he would be big enough to play in the snow with me.. Acen is just a little shrimp!" lol. She talks about Payden a lot, and its so funny because I don't really remember talking too much about him with her, not really knowing how much she would understand. I mean i mentioned him to her here and there, but at times she acts as if she was here first, and went through the loss with us. I honestly believe they are closer then I think, and I think they both knew at one time what his purpose here was. I just wish I did lol! Well, anyways I want to tell Payden how much we love him, and how much he helped me grow as a mother and a person. Happy Birthday BUDDY!! We love and miss you! xoxoxo

3 comments:

Tasha said...

I was thinking of you guys all day yesterday!! I too remember all the emotions of how I felt. I think he was a very special little guy! I miss him too & think of him from time to time with a tear in my eye! My girls even talk about him because of things that Gracie will tell them! My heart aches as I think of that little sweet guy! My thoughts are with you! Hang in there we love & miss you guys!

Lisa Summers & Fam said...

I think you have got to be the best mother, to still celebrate his life. I know this is a tough time of year because of his loss, but you are in our prayers!

Trisa Johnson said...

:( tear jerker.. how are you guys it is crazy how time flies but im with you i remember so much of it like it was yesterday but yet so long agao.. im glad you guys made it up there cause i was suppose to for my mom and didnt.. merry christmas! to you guys