Happy 8th Birthday Payden!

Today is Payden's 8th Birthday! I can't believe it! Oh how time flys by! Gracie, Acen, and I went and got him some balloons and a little Christmas Tree. They helped me uncover his headstone which was buried under all the snow we got last night! They had fun! As much as it seems like the time flys by, at the same time it seems like it was a LONG time ago. I feel like it has been so long since I held him, smelt him, kissed his face. I still do however remember all those emotions, and little things as if they were yesterday. I still remember the ways he smelt, it reminded me of lilacs for some reason. lol. The way his hair was long enough to cover the top of his ear, and how dark it was. His eyes black as black, and how when I first saw him, it was like he was looking at me, and knew how sad I was..I remember holding him so close to me, how small he was, how even though he made no noise, I still rocked him and patted his tiny bum, motherly instinct I guess. lol. Today made me think a lot about what kind of child he would have been, being that he would be 8, I wonder if he would have made the choice to be baptized. I would like to think so. :) Gracie said to me, "Well, if Payden was alive he would be big enough to play in the snow with me.. Acen is just a little shrimp!" lol. She talks about Payden a lot, and its so funny because I don't really remember talking too much about him with her, not really knowing how much she would understand. I mean i mentioned him to her here and there, but at times she acts as if she was here first, and went through the loss with us. I honestly believe they are closer then I think, and I think they both knew at one time what his purpose here was. I just wish I did lol! Well, anyways I want to tell Payden how much we love him, and how much he helped me grow as a mother and a person. Happy Birthday BUDDY!! We love and miss you! xoxoxo

Thank You!

On Thanksgiving as I pulled into the driveway I saw this suburban parked in the front of the house.. I thought this was odd, but went in. Well Sadie was there and I asked her if she had got a new car..she said nope. I was having a bad day anyways, and as I headed down the stairs to hide in my room she said.."I need you to help me get something out of the car." I was not to thrilled since I was looking forward to hiding out for a while before everyone showed up for Thanksgiving dinner. I have just been so stressed with so many things, worrying about how I am going to buy Christmas, getting Gracie switched to her new school, all of my assignments I had due for school, just EVERYTHING! Anyways, I walked out with Sadie to the car and she opened the back of the suburban and oh my goodness FULL of Christmas gifts from a 'secret santa'. I am not one to show emotion in front of people, so holding back my tears I demanded for her to tell me who had done this for us! She refused of course!! LoL! I cannot express the overwhelming feeling of appreciation I had. I thought of all the times I had participated in the Angel Tree's and bought gifts for low income families, and how the little things you do come back in some way. I in no way felt like I deserved this one bit, nor did I think that this would ever happen to me! I thought of how there are probably so many more deserving families then us. Then I thought to myself how when I graduate and get a good job and I can afford to I will return this thoughtful act to someone. I want to tell Sadie Thank you so much, and if the 'secret santa' is reading this by chance, just know I am so very thankful, and I will never be able to express to you what a relief this was for me, and how much I appreciate this kind act. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and may you be blessed this year! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

We did have a great Thanksgiving, and the kids are getting so BiG! Acen LOVES going to day care! He wakes up and first thing he has to get dressed and get his hair combed! Such a morning boy!

Gracie is doing really good, missing her daddy tho. He is in St. George for a little while, but she will see him at Christmas! She is switching schools... she will be starting Mckinley on Monday. I was worried how she would take this, but we had a long talk about it and as much as I thought she would be sad she wasnt! She was actually very excited. She has been having some trouble at North Park with some kids there, and I think she was ready for a new start! She has such a fun personality I know she will make new friends quickly!

No FUN!

So last night we ended up taking Acen to the ER because he wasn't breathing really good. I had taken him to the Dr. on Monday because he had been running a fever all weekend. They did some x-rays of his chest and said he had bad croup, so they gave him a cortizone shot and sent us home. He seemed to be doing better til last night, when he woke up out of his sleep not breathing to well. So we took him in just to be safe. They gave him a breathing treatment and a perscription for steroids and a inhaler. Poor guy but what a trooper he was!

Gracie is 7 !!!!!

Gracie had her Birthday Party at the Bowling Alley on Wed. She had invited a few little friends to her party. We had a blast! The kids had a lot of fun too! We had Pizza, bowled, and open gifts! I can't believe she is 7! Where does the time go! i put a few pictures of the party below! :)

Acen a little out numbered on the sidelines!

Gracie and all her friends!

DiVA!

Gracie and her bowling pin she got as a gift from the bowling alley!

Buds!

HALLOWEEN 09!

^ All the crazy kids

^ mom n dad!

ME! RAWR!

^ Acen who wouldn't wear his vampire cape or makeup lol he was still cute!

^ Gracie and her glasses.. don't ask..

We had such a fun week for Halloween! I volunteered at Gracie's class party, it was alot of fun to see her at school around her classmates! It was worth the headache i had after having 20 sugar high kids running all over! We went to her school carnival (also a headache after that) where she won a certificate for "yummy wormy apple" with here pumpkin we made! and we went trunk or treating at the church after having a VERY fun Birthday Party for Sydney! It was alot of fun!!!

Hello again!

^ Gracie's pumpkin we made for the pumpkin walk at her school Halloween Carnival. She won an award for it!! Way to go Gracie!

^ We went to California the first part of October, and don't really have many pics but this is us at Laguna Beach!!!!!!! YAY!

^ Gracie's grandma Bev made this for her when Kia died. She had colored this picture for Kia and Bev added a picture of her and Kia and put it in a frame for her! so nice!

Well it has deff been a while since I posted anything! wow! Things are crazy for us right now, alot has changed, good and bad, but I keep telling myself "Its not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain" That is my motivation right now.

So Gracie is in 1st grade now and she is loving it and doing sooooo good! I am so proud of how hard she is working to accomplish all she does. She spent last week hunting with her dad, she loves to spend time with him and be outdoors! She took a big blow tho on the 22nd of Oct her horse Kia passed away, that was tuff for her.. But she as always looks at the bright side of things, and has "been keepin' her eyes open for another on like Kia" so anytime she sees a old horse she says "MOM THERE IS ONE THAT IS OLD AND CANT WALK!!" haha!

And Acen.. he is gettin soooo big i cant believe it! He just turned 2 and man is he a go getter! He is talking alot I think Gracie and I are about the only ones who understand what he is saying but he tries! haha! He is so fun! Such a good little boy!

Now me.. well I just registered for school.. I know it will be a long road, but worth it in the end! Its something I have always wanted to do and I just took the chance and did it! I am excited and nervous at the same time.. I don't know we will see how things go!

PoPCoRN KeRNaLs.....

So have you ever wondered what to do with those annoying popcorn kernals after you microwave your popcorn..... Why not shove them up your nose!!!! Thats what Acen did today :/ Now he had done this the other day, but i was able to get it out.. Today however he had it shoved so far up there i didnt even dare try.. So I did what any mother would do, I made Shad take him to the Dr. haha! i was scared! Either way it come out and he is fine!

OuR FuN DaY!

Today i took the kids to Gateway to build a bear! Gracie has wanted to go and i told her after she was done with Kindergarten i would take her. She got a dog and named her Ellie.

Acen got a monkey who we named Max! We put the little sounds in them so his makes the monkey sound and he does a little dance while it goes 'ooo aaah' so cute!

(sorry about the mouth full of chewed up popcorn :/ )

They also ran through the water and had a BLAST! We had such a fun day, I love days we can just go and have nothing to do but whatever comes up!

YoU THiNk YoU HaD A BaD DaY...

so, the rather large male cat that has been hanging around our house ripped a HUGE hole in my screen on my screen door... well Gracie's cat is small enough to get in the hole and then she crawls up the screen and gets stuck between the glass and the screen on the door... so i had to get a pic of this because it is so funny!

CaN'T SToP!!!!

So I can't stop watching the trailer for New Moon the movie based on the 2nd book of the Twilight saga! Trisa and i have decided we will FOR SURE be at the midnight showing of this! Gracie also wants to come with us! And she is just as addicted to the trailer as i am! She loves Twilight and watches it just about everyday! She even had me read a bit of the books to her while i was reading them... I am so so so super excited!

NoT ToO MuCh....

(yes i know Acen is choking the poor thing we are working on teaching him how to hold animals please dont report us, the cat was not hurt!)

So not a whole lot has happened since my last post... Gracie is loving not having school, i on the other hand miss my little 'break' lol but she has found something to pass the time, the other day we had this darling little kitten show up at our house, tame as can be, and she is loving every minute of it! She named her Patch, and cant bear to put her outside, she claims that the other cats 'pick' on her... but i told her i seen (and this is totally 100% true) this little kitten swatted off the two adult cats when i gave her milk! So i think Patch is the bully! Shad took Gracie fishing today, and they caught a few good ones, i didn't get any pics tho :/ Gracie said that she and her dad had alot of fun without her little "bother" as she calls him i have no idea where she heard this or come up with it, but.... i asked her how is he a bother? he just loves you! and she said he is always in her way... mk.. whatever! well this is about it for now.. hope you are all well!

GRaDuATiON!!!

So after a few missed bus rides, and crazy mornings, we finally made it through Kindergarten.... Gracie is so super excited to start 1st grade! She did such a good job this year and i am so so proud of her! She made many new friends and her teacher was super awsome! I cant wait to see how next year goes!!! We went to her little graduation program last week and they sang songs they have learned and got their little diploma's!! WAY TO GO GRACIE!

( Shad was on camera duty.. a little blury, but cute!)

MoTHeRs DaY!

Gracie made this really cute Mothers Day cookbook at school for me! Her teacher had each of the kids tell her the recipe to their favorite things to make.. When I got Gracie off the bus and she was telling me about this book she had made and that she got to tell her teacher how we make foods at our house to put in a cookbook, i was a little nervous.. and those of you who know Gracie well know why i was a little scared as to what was in this 'book'... But to my surprise she actually did a really good job! This was such a cute idea and once again made me realize she is growing up so fast and such a darling little girl she is!

On Saturday i took Acen to have his well child check up since we were behind on his shots.. we missed his 15 & 18 month shots... not too bad but i hate to be behind! So umm.. it was AWFUL! i had given him some Motrin before we left because he always does terrible with his shots.. fevers and all that bad stuff..so we get there and i thought i was doing good since i made the appt. at 10am and nap time was at 12 (or so) and i figured good i will get his shots and by the time we get home it will be nap time all good... not so much! They were behind at the doctors office.. so we had to be in the waiting room for ONE HOUR! He was so bored and tired by this time (the Motrin kicked in) and then they FINALLY called us back and then we were in the room for another HALF HOUR! He got so mad and threw himself on the hard tiled floor and banged his head so hard he had a huge red bump on his forehead! FINALLY the doctor came in i was about to blow up! They went over all his growth and he is doing so good! He is very small tho his height was in the 75% and his head circ. was 50% but my little peanut of a boy was only in the 4% of his weight! The doctor didn't seem concerned he said he looks just fine and has great muscle tone.. i guess he will just be small like his daddy! He is starting to talk more and more everyday! he says mom, dad, Gracie, pepper (the cat) hello, bye, luv u, night night, thank you, yes , no , hot , more.. and his latest new word he just started the other day when pepper knocked him down and stole his ice cream i told him 'daddy will bring you home another one, ok?' and he replied 'ook..i sad..' it was the saddest thing ever and he was so very sad when he said it! :( he is also growing up so much it honestly kills me! i love being a mom and i love my kids so much! Mothers Day is hard for me i still do think of the little one i am missing.. but until i can be with him again i will still love and cherish what i have! :)

WHaT To DO WHeN iT's RAiNiNG...

So today was really rainy.. and i don't know about you but my kids are ITCHING to be outside! So Gracie decided to put on her swimsuit for some reason and then she decided to put Acen in one of her suits too! O.o lol He didn't really care that it was a girl suit... he has one of his own, but she wanted him to wear her old one :/ Shad was less that thrilled by this, but i thought it was cute.. and funny!

JuST A FuNNy SToRY..

So today we had a knock at the door and it was a member of our ward. They had brought Gracie a little envelope with her name on it. So she opens it up and its a little letter (like the missionary's get for their calling) and it said sister Holdaway you have been called to serve in the Japan mission (only more formal) and said she needed to be at the church to get on a plane and receive her instructions... I thought this was such a cute idea, and as i read it out loud to Gracie and i looked up at her she was almost in tears! Which if any of you know her that is uncommon. Well I said 'Gracie what is wrong?' she said "Mom.... I really don't think i am THAT big enough to be going on a plane to Japan!" LOL! I said "OH NO GRACIE! you are not really going to Japan its just a primary activity!" She was ok after that! She told me that she really would rather go on a airplane to see Brooklyn and Kena.. NOT Japan! haha! Just thought i would share that with you all! lol